Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
