Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A+ Viking dick
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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