I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
