she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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