I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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