apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
