Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
