I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
