yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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