So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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