I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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