Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
