I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
