I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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