I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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