I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
