fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Soap is not a condiment
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
