why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
