I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
pray to the hookup gods
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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