Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
