You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
