Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize