How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
