yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
