DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
