I wish I could punch you in the face.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
