You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize