I think i peed on brittanys purse
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
