so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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