I am spending my child support on dildos
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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