dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
