I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize