life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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