So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
