i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
