At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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