you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
