By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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