Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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