Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
