Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
