I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
