Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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