this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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