One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
