His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he just fucked me for my cheese..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
