Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
