No awkward lesbian experiences without me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize