Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
