My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
