so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
