I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I will pee on everything he values.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
