Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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