just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
