She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize