I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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