What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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