i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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