well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
