I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
