i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The adults are the big ones right?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
