She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
